Doctor, listen…..

How do you tell your doctor and convince him/her that you might be suffering from depression? How to admit that you might need help?

People admit that they feel burned out (which doesn’t mean that they are depressed but quite often it goes together), yet are afraid to admit to their co-workers, bosses, even themselves.

They feel like they need help, that the way how they’re feeling is not okay. No self help books help because they simply cannot concentrate while reading them. Exercising help only for that hour or so and half an hour after it. Eating healthy takes too much energy which they already don’t have. Good night sleep? Yeah, sleep 8 hours and nope, not so much energy anyway.

People are afraid of speaking up about such problems, because the judgemental crap that pours over them is hurtful.

But doctors should listen to their patients.

Bosses should listen to their workers.

People simply should listen and STOP give dumb advice (go out more, exercise, read this book, eat this, etc)*.

 

 

*If those advice helps someone, good! No one is the same.

 

 

All at once. It’s too much

When everything happens at once.

I have a job which I started very recently.

But before it, I sent out more CVs. The job I have now answered first, so I took it.

And now the other ones are finally answering.

And I’m freaking out.

I get super, duper, uber nervous when I have to make big choices. I’m bad at taking risks. At some point, I took the first job so I can begin to pay back my student loan. Because I was afraid that the other places won’t call back and I don’t want to miss payments.

What do I do? How I keep my mind straight? How to make choices?

 

If any of my future/current employers reads this, yes, decisions are tough for me. I need a guidance, I need assurance that it’s okay to be insecure. I’m young and just got my first job. I’m shy and introvert and I want to cry when being overwhelmed. It’s what I did after my first day at work. I cried. I wanted to leave. But, here I am, after few days still there, still working, getting used to the place, slowly getting better at it. I keep fighting.

“95. I think I know life.”

More than once I’ve been told “What can a twenty-something know about life? What have you experienced?”

It upsets and angers me.

Is there like an “certain” age when I’m supposed to be like “Yes, now I know about life, now I’ve experienced everything”?

Yes, I’m aware that a lot of people are using “You don’t know my life, so don’t judge me” as an excuse for, let’s say, not so smart life choices. So, it sort of becomes a stupid cliche.

And those who actually mean it, because there really is a story behind, sometimes tragic, traumatic, sad, hurtful, are hurt because someone allows himself/herself think that they know better.

Guess what? No, you don’t know better.

We all have our stories. At any age.

A 5 year old maybe have experienced more pain than a 25 year old.

A 23 year old maybe have struggled more than 40 year old.

Experiences doesn’t have age.

Yes, I might be young, but I know some stuff, been through some stuff.

But what do I know about life? I’m too young to talk about it, right?

Please, judge me, because you’re way older than I am. You’ve seen everything.

 

I was with you.

I’ve been home for a week.

Memories from there is still fresh. And made me think.

Rarely I get to hear “I will miss you”. I never think I leave such impression that people think of me after I leave, I usually think that I only pass through people’s lives and don’t leave a mark. But there I got to hear it more than once. And it didn’t even felt like a fake politeness. It felt real.

They miss me.

I might not have been the best student, but for me, it’s not that important.

What’s important for me is that I was with them. I laughed, hugged, played, talked, hung out with them. I was there for them, for those nice people who were kind to me. That feeling that maybe, just maybe I have left some small mark in their lives, that, that once a while they will suddenly remember “Hey, she was that short, colourful clothes wearing girl…..” And it’s more than I can ask for. And for me it’s more important than what grades I got there.

So.

Hopefully I made their days.

Hopefully I made them smile.

Hopefully I taught them something.

Hopefully I helped them.

Because that’s what they did to me.

I already miss the hugs. And paper planes. And so much more.

Jag saknar er.