Drained from today

The weakness, nausea and headache that comes after I’ve left work. Walk to the station and it feels like head is in a cotton ball, everything is muffled and slowed down. 

Today took it all from me. The lines were red and people waited almost an hour. But I couldn’t do it faster. There was and still isn’t energy in me. No motivation. 

I’m on my way home, thinking about drawing I want to finish. But the thoughts about work sneaks up and I’m dreading tomorrow. Can’t do much about it. 

Is this how most people spend their lives? On sedatives, alcohol and what not? My next 40 years, filled with dread, hopelessness and burnt out feelings.

I’ve got to make those appointments, I’ve got to do something. But it usually ends with, “Meeh. It’s not that bad, right?”

Personal next to man is listening”Friends” intro song.

Me

Amazing…. I think I’ve really have become an utter loner. 

If I have to go anywhere, I want to go alone and not rely on anyone. (Except upcoming cruise trip with ship, I want one person as a company.)

I don’t want to be around people I know.

I don’t want to be dependant on anyone. 

I want to be self sufficient. 

I want to feel like I don’t need anyone else.

I want to be alone. (And since it feels like I’ll be forever alone in dating field, most probably it’ll happen.)

I might be done with people.

Yes, it gets lonely but loneliness is the one feeling that starts to feel normal.

And where does it leave me….

No motivation weekends

Honestly, sometimes I wish I could work 7 days a week. I don’t need weekends because I usually spend them doing nothing even though I should do a lot of things. So, why spend them doing nothing….

So, just another empty weekend.